Humans have an inherent impulse and ability to teach, learn, and entertain through stories. We also naturally create internal narratives with our inner dialogue.  It’s valuable to notice these internal stories to see if they serve us in creating the life we want or block us from believing it’s possible.

Recently, I had a conversation with a friend I hadn’t spoken to in a while. During our conversation, she updated me on the last few months.  She shared how her work situation had stabilized after years of uncertainty and that she was launching a side gig she had been working on. 

I expressed my congratulations on her newfound career stability and also the prospect of this new venture. I listened, attempted to bolster her, and said how wonderful it all was. 

And yet, throughout our conversation, she kept repeating, “Nobody supports me. Absolutely no one.”  While I was actively supporting her. She held onto her familiar narrative despite my evident encouragement.  

Now it’s possible she hung up and thought, “Well, at least one person is there for me”. However, I suspect she didn’t, because this isn’t the first time we’ve had a conversation where she used this precise language. I realized that her comments were well-worn thought patterns she frequently employs, and had little to do with the current conversation. Her internal narrative was too loud to take in new information.

During our conversation, I questioned her further about who specifically doesn’t support her. And it ended up being her family and one particular person. This opens up the possibility that there are actually a whole lot of people who do support her. But she can’t see it.

“Nobody supports me” reflects how she perceives her family and one friend, but she has externalized it to “everybody”.  Her internal voice has been running this script for years. Even when someone actively supports her, it becomes incredibly challenging for that support to break through the years of conditioned thinking.

It’s crucial to pay attention to the language you habitually use when talking to yourself because it becomes your experience of reality. 

When I tried to create space for other explanations, she always had a reason that her “not being supported” belief was the truth. While it did accurately express her lived experience, it wasn’t necessarily true.  And even more importantly, it was leading her down a frustrating and unhappy, although familiar, path

At one of the first personal development conferences I attended many years ago, I encountered the aphorism, “You can be right or you can be happy.” 

You can keep arguing for the thoughts that make you right, or choose to consider other thoughts that are more beneficial to adopt. It’s common to cling to familiar thoughts that validate negative beliefs while failing to realize that letting go of these limiting scripts opens up space for more supportive and happier ones. 

One effective way to change your narrative is to identify specific individuals whose messages seem to hinder your progress or discourage your dreams. By recognizing these sources that reinforce your internal negative narratives, you can disengage from their input. 

Then you can focus on cultivating a more supportive circle of “everybody” and more beneficial messages to listen to. Those are the people to confide in about your dreams before they fully take shape. 

Because, when you repeatedly tell yourself something like nobody supports you, you are the first one actively not supporting you. 

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