As I discussed earlier this month (you can read about it here) communities are a great social, emotional, and informational resource. They are mainly available to you for free. Hopefully, you feel you belong to several communities in different aspects of your lives.

You may actively join a community or simply be part of it based on a role, education, or interest.

But how do you actually feel part of a community? In other words, how do you feel like you truly belong?

Some communities, like your medical school class, require little or no effort. You're together for classes for the first two years and run into each other on campus, so it’s easy to feel part of that. Residency is similar-so much time together, working as a team, such hard work, and so much learning. When you graduate, you can become part of the alumni community. Or not.

Work situations will likely be different, depending on the environment. Team members can change a lot and whether there is a sense of overall community will likely depend on the culture of the larger group as well as the group members themselves. 

The operating room is different from the clinic or emergency room or floors, in terms of how people work together and how much of a community is felt by its various members. A large group practice likewise will be very different from a small practice or even solo.

Like most things that are worthwhile, it takes some effort on your behalf to feel the community’s effect. You can choose not to participate much, but then it’s hard to feel like you belong, so instead of support, you feel alone and alienated. Most people will find some sense of community where they work. If you don’t, maybe it isn’t the right setting or community for you to flourish in. 

Observation is an ok place to start at the beginning, but to really feel you belong to it you need to participate in the community in some way. This is especially true for non-work communities.

You feel connected based on the amount of time and effort you put into these groups as well as the interactions. 

People need to know you and you need to know the people. If you don’t actively participate (looking in the mirror here), you may have less of a sense of belonging.

A sense of belonging is really what we are looking for, not just checking off many communities we have access to, like a consumer.  And not just fitting in. When we try to fit into a group, our position there feels tenuous and we cannot truly benefit from it as a community.

As Brene Brown says in The Gifts Of Imperfection: “Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted. Belonging, on the other hand, doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are.”

Ultimately, what works for you will depend on your personality and the culture of the community. What do you need to you feel supported and nourished? Do that. Because while it may not work in every community, it will work for YOUR communities.

Those are the communities that will serve you for the longest time and where you will get the most benefit.

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