I recently returned from a trip to one of my favorite places: Red Mountain Resort in southwestern Utah. Located just ½ mile from the spectacular Snow Canyon, it excels in providing outdoor (and indoor fitness) experiences. It has a wonderful spa with a variety of treatments and serves fresh, healthy food, carefully marking possible common allergens. 

But perhaps most remarkably, everyone there is friendly, welcoming, and genuinely enjoyable to be around. Particularly in this day and age, this is sadly unusual.  It is rare to travel somewhere that you enjoy meeting each and every person you encounter, including the clientele and the staff. 

The staff, of course, are paid to be pleasant, but it never seems forced. They really seem to enjoy working there. I’m sure everyone has a day here or there that is trying, but there is no eye-rolling, grumbling, or sighing to requests or questions. 

The other thing I’ve noticed is that the guests are equally as charming. They are interesting and enjoyable to talk with. Granted, everyone is on vacation, but it's still striking to me that people are so congenial. 

This is why it was so notable when one person on one hike was not. 

She began by announcing that she needed to be back from the hike early so she could finish packing, shower, and make her flight.  When you have to get a lot done quickly and you know you don’t have complete control over your time, it can be stressful. 

But she then proceeded to be the very last person at every stage of our walk. It wasn’t like she had trouble keeping up physically but rather each time we stopped for photos, she would take longer than anyone to approve her photos, frequently asking the guides to redo them. 

Not only that, but she always began each stage at the front of the hiking line. Now I am not fast myself, and I know I am usually towards the back, so when we start hiking, I assume my position towards the back and adjust forward or back depending on where I fall in any particular group. She always started at the front and grudgingly allowed people to pass when they were often on her heels. 

But the most notable thing was her conversation, which largely consisted of negative talk about other people who’d been on her previous hikes. She had complaints about other guests being slow or thoughtless. Guides who were inattentive and discourteous, something I’ve never experienced in my many visits to the resort. 

It reminded me of bonding through negativity that is so common in our workplaces. It is easy to be negative. (You’ve seen me do it in this post, in the last few paragraphs.) And it’s even easier to fall into negativity when other people are expressing it. And stay there. Often. 

Negativity can become the culture. The temporary culture of a group, like this hiking group. Or the pervasive culture of a workplace. 

How often have I been in the doctor’s lounge and heard surgeons complain about anesthesia or medicine? How often have I been on the floor and heard nurses and medicine complain about other surgeons? 

The problem is that human brains have an instinctual negative bias. It served us so well evolutionarily to be alert to notice the danger, the problems. But now it primarily serves to ruin our day, and our experience, by encouraging us to focus on what’s not working the way we imagine it should.

And we can use negativity to bond with others. I saw a traveling nurse do with the operating room one day. She worked at an academic hospital before coming to us. On her very first day, she immediately started talking negatively about anesthesia when they were out of the room. At most academic institutions that I’ve worked in, there tends to be a team surgery versus team anesthesia that takes place.
And we see it in political discourse every day. 

So did I use it with you at the beginning of this blog? I kind of did. Getting you on board with my frustrations over this one woman. Did the rest of the group bond over noticing her foibles? Yes. We did a bit. Although we had already talked about many other things that morning and after everyone commented on their observations, we went on to other topics. 

The negativity bias is easy to fall into. But you don’t have to dwell there. And why would you ever want to? 

So when, not if, you find yourself in a negative cul-de-sac, drive yourself on out of there and take your companions with you.

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